"Get busy living or get busy
dying. That's goddamn right.... I find I'm so excited I can barely sit still or
hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can
feel. A free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is
uncertain.... I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I
hope."
-Red,
Shawshank Redemption
This
was probably the hardest post I've had to write so far on the trip. This was
the most insane and hilariously disturbing 2 weeks I've been a part of in my
life..... that's saying a lot. It's one of those posts where I could go all in
for the storytelling, give the people all the fucked up details of our last 2
weeks in Thailand, or heavily edit out most of the craziness that Roland and I
experienced since our families have been keeping up on our travels through the
blog. Hopefully the middle ground I take will suffice and my Mom won't be
shaking her head too much after reading this.
For
the end of our trip we were going all out, and we knew exactly what we were
getting into going in. 2 weekend nights in Bangkok staying a block away from
the party Mecca on Khao San Road followed by a week of non stop partying in the
western Thai island of Koh Phi Phi ending in the East end of the country with
the world renowned Full Moon Party on Koh Phagnan. This was going to be a test
in our sanity, our party stamina and especially our livers. We went in with the
mentality that this was Spring Break 2.0, and as the old guy on that trip, I
only lasted 4 days in the Gulf Shores after our NOLA stay. This was going to be
on a whole ‘notha level. And God were we right....
Let’s
start with Bangkok. We only had two nights of going out in this crazy city, and
coming off our hardcore four days in Cambodia, followed by another 12+ hour
ride, we were a little worn down. We knew we needed our all for Khao San Road, so
we chose to make Friday night a "classy" night. Roland and
I met with this dude from Connecticut in Cambodia,
Andrew,
who lived near Bangkok and promised to show us
a good time. Of course we were in.
Wearing
a button down, boat shoes and jeans for the first time in 6 weeks, we met up
with Andrew at the hostel he was staying in on the other side of the city,
played a few games of Kings with some friendly Koreans, and walked to Maggie
Choos. This bar was pretty fucking wild; in the same vein of most of the classy bars in
Shanghai, just with a chic Bangkok twist. Any excuse to drink old fashioneds in a
former bank vault, listen to scat Jazz sung by a cool cat from Chicago,
surrounded by the who's who of the Thai party scene and swinging Thai go-go dancers dressed in full Asian garb, is a great night by me. Then came the inevitable Bangkok twist: at 11 o’ clock the bar went totally silent, the
lights went dim and Shirley Basey's smooth ballad 'Goldfinger' started
blasting from the house band. Like a gift from God, two naked
smokeshow Thai dancers with fake breastises and covered head to toe in gold paint, slowly meandered to the main stage, made a lap around the room, and finally
found their home perched on the top of the bar, where they stayed, crawling on hands
and knees fully nude the entire night. It was freaking wild.
After
polishing off a few wayy too expensive cocktails, it was time to get back to
the level of griminess we've come to grow fond of on our trip. The classy world
can wait for us for a few years; it was time to catch one of Bangkok's famous ping-pong
shows. It's just a thing you do. When you're in Rome, you go to the Coliseum.
In Cambodia? You go to Angkor Wat. And when you are in Bangkok, you take in a ping-pong
show.
We
bought some road beers and made the 20-minute walk to the underbelly of the
city. Andrew took us to the Patpong Night Bazaar where touts immediately
inundated us, each one trying to get us into their seedy nightclubs. We had
heard stories of some extreme scams and horror stories of these places, so we
were pretty picky of the place we chose. I couldn't have been happier with the
place we went to.
Every
place basically offers the same show, that lasts about an hour, and involves
crazy tricks with daily household items like balloons, bananas, darts, and
markers to name a few...
Despite
having the atmosphere of North New Jersey strip club, the place we chose was a
lot more social and fun then we were expecting and actually a lot of foreign older couples were there taking in the show (see...it is a thing you
do). They didn't allow pictures, so there isn't much to show you guys, but I can
attest to being the Babe Ruth of hitting ping-pong balls that have been popped
out of Thai women. They posted me up about 20 feet away from this girl on the
other side of the stage, in front of a group of 7 Taiwanese men and women, and
WHAPP. Like a hanging curveball, I drilled the first pitch with my paddle high
into the club's rafters, high-5ing the Taiwanese group after each ball I
smoked. It was a hilarious time. But probably an hour plus I will never want
to do again.
That
morning we were woken up to our bunk shaking. An earthquake hit Chiang Mai a
few days before, so it wasn't out of the realm of possibilities. I was hungover, but was cognizant enough to realize this was no earthquake. I was on
the top bunk, Roland was on the bottom, and there was a thin mesh curtain separating
our “room” with the next “room”. I was only a solid foot from the top bunk in
the other “room”, a bunk that had two Canadians going to town in broad
daylight. These two were putting the bang in Bangkok (see what I did there?). I
started cracking up, told Roland to wake his ass up, and kinda just went along
for the ride. I didn’t know if I should’ve asked if they needed a hand, start a
slow clap or tell them to cut that shit out. It didn’t last all that long,
classic, but they ended up doing that shit multiple times in our stay there. We
didn’t really care too much though, that’s what you get for spending 10$ a
night on a hotel room. Just out here living the hostel life…
At
11:30, our hostel shuts the AC off in the rooms so we basically just laid in
the dimly lit lobby with fans blowing on us, on a gymnastics mat that laid
across the floor, reading, listening to music and watching Jackass; nursing our
collective hangovers. I wish we could’ve explored the city more, but we had a
long night ahead of us and had laundry to do before the islands.
That
night we got to experience every backpackers must-do when going to Bangkok, a
night out on Khao San Road. After the AC was turned back on, we headed down to
the lobby to make some friends to go out with. Everyone was playing drinking
games, with a sloppily drunk Scottish mamma bear leading the charge. We chatting
up some Brits, Americans, Dutch and Germans, and when it was time to head to
the bars, we had a nice crew to party with. We followed momma bear all night on
Khao San. She had a plan, an itinerary of how to properly party, and she took
us from bar to bar. Buckets of booze, Jagerbombs, towers of beer, more buckets,
hookah, even more buckets. The night got real sloppy and sweaty, real fast.
Roland ended up pooing his pants at one of the bars, and had to clean himself
up with his own underwear and proceeded to free-ball the rest of the night. SMH.
Yeah that actually happened…
By
the end we were both pissed drunk, spent hours at the club, The Club, before
losing everyone respectively, then finding friends, losing those friends,
losing each other, random dance floor hookups, being hassled by little kids on
the street to play thumb war for money (Roland being punched in the balls by
one of them) before we stumbled back to the hostel. We can honestly walk out of
our Khao San Road experience by saying we made 0 ladyboy mistakes for the two
of us, but the same couldn’t be said to an English guy in or group. (He
hilariously tailed off at the end of his story, so God only knows what went
down, but yeah. That stuff happens out there). Khao San
is dirty, its loud, you get hassled, you eat crazy bugs like scorpions and
beetles when your drunk, it’s a hell of a fun time, but no where near as sleazy
as Patpong. All in all a great night.
The
next morning we were in full recovery mode. We actually made an attempt to explore the city, but
frustratingly got trapped in a smolderingly hot park. By that point we threw
our hands up, said ‘Screw it, it is way too hot, and we are way too hungover to
function’, and we laid out at the hostel until our overnight bus to the islands.
We had the most uncomfortable seats on the bus, with absolutely zero legroom,
but no need to worry. Fast 6 was on the bus’ TVs and we were heading to
paradise.
Bitch
Don't Kill my Vibe
We got
off the ferry in the morning and at the docks in Phi Phi, life couldn’t
have been better. The sun was shining, the weather was sweet. We walked to our hotel the Phi Phi
Princess, and it just kept getting brighter. We got our own beachside bungalow
with an outdoor bathroom, air conditioning and a TV. Probably the nicest setup
we had on the entire trip. Not only that, they had an Infinity pool about 40
yards away. It was as good as it gets.
I couldn’t
really day drink that day, since I had a Skype job interview later in the night,
but Roland drank poolside all day while I chilled out with him. That night
Roland met up with our friend Ben from Philly who we met in Pai (we were
meeting up with Justine, who we met with Ben, in Koh Phagnan), while I set up a
makeshift office in the street near our reception. Being the only person
wearing a tie within 50 miles, and having a so-so interview due to connection
problems, I needed to blow off some serious steam that night.
I met up
with Ben and Roland at the Reggae Bar (that wasn’t really a reggae bar, but a
Muay Thai boxing bar. Weird. ) We pounded a few nearly undrinkable buckets ringside
before the fights started. The
whole concept of this place is that they offer their customers a free bucket if
you get in the ring and fight another customer for our enjoyment. Now, I was
way to sober to get in there and fight Roland, but it seemed like a no-go the
whole way because of his ACL surgery. One kick in the wrong part of his knee,
and he’d be toast. Not that I’d get in the ring and fight him either way. I’ve
seen him box before and the reach he has when his lanky 6’3 ass knocked the
fuck outta Scott Duncan in our epic 3 hallway fights my sophomore year.
We
watched a couple Thai kids fight, gambling buckets with the crew of cute British
girls sitting ringside with us. Eventually, the Canadian dude they were with
had the balls to get up in the ring and try to fight someone. When we saw his
competitor, we knew this bro was about to get his ass whooped. The dude he was
fighting seriously looked like Bane. Just one giant muscle. The fight didn’t
even last a round and the Canadian got knocked down like 3 times. It was brutal
to watch.
Bane and
his girlfriend ended up sitting next to us after the fight. He was just the
nicest, most harmless Norwegian dude ever. Bane didn’t even want the bucket;
he gave it to the Canadian as retribution for the ass whooping he handed out.
When no one got in the ring with him, this dude had the cojones to choose the
biggest, most jacked dude in the place and call him out for a fight. What an
idiot.
We ended
up taking the British chicks with us to the next bar, an epic beachside bar
called Slinky Bar. What resulted was a really sloppy night. Climbing a 15-foot
high pole, shotgunning beers, fire jugglers, bull riding, and playing fake air soccer
with local Thai guys for like 2 hours (alcohol and Thai red bull is a hell of a
drug). The buckets were a-flowing that night.
We
basically just got up and did the same thing the next day. Same, Same, But
Different. Lounging by the pool, tropical drinks on tropical drinks, lots of
sun. We met some Canadians at the pool that day that we hung around with that
night. We chilled at this groovy rooftop bar, Banana Bar, playing a crazy
amount of Beer pong (sloppily losing about 5 games in a row to the Canadians).
Slinky followed again. This was my night to be sweaty guy (Roland and I seemed
to be continually trading off nights) and I ended up puking in the main alley
next to the bar after shotgunning beers. This resulted in an empty bucket being
kicked at us by a couple local Thai drug dealers, hitting the Canadians in the
back of the head, but in classic Canadian fashion, everything ended amicably.
I was in
Hangover City the next day. I was miserable at the pool and just didn’t feel
like myself. I tried going out that night, got a couple drinks and games of
pool at the Irish Bar, but I had to bail. My hangover turned out to be a mild
case of food poisoning (apparently the drunk pizza I ate the night before was
made with local tap water), but with a full nights rest I felt much better for
the trip to the next islands.
These
next 3 days were the culmination of all our travels. A Pool Party on Thursday,
a Jungle Rave on Friday, and an all-nighter at the Full Moon Party on Saturday
and into Sunday. We had to get from one coast of Thailand to the other taking a
ferry, bus, and ferry to the island of Koh Phagnan. We already had a crew there
that we were all set to meet up with: Ben was staying with us in our hostel,
the 4 American girls from Florida who drank us under the table in Cambodia, Sam
and Emily, our Brit friends from Pai. And then we were meeting back up with
Justine, who we met with Ben in Pai.
The
energy in Haad Rin was palpable. This place was ready to jump off over the
weekend, and this was in the low season (God only knows what this place is like
in high season). Our hostel was located right off the main drag, but only a 5-minute
walk to the main beach. The second we got in set up a bucket Guy. On the street
there are different vendors, making freshly made buckets of alcohol for cheaper
rates. Our man Jode hooked us up with the strongest buckets of the entire trip,
pouring almost a half a bottle of liquor in each and his son Bengh kept us
entertained as we waited. The three of us had our go-to buckets, and by the
last day Jode knew exactly what we wanted and had em queued up and waiting for
us when we got there. We had a great thing going for us. [We didn’t take our
phones out on most of these nights, so we have very little documentation of our
partying]
Pool
Party
The
night started in the street party in front of the Dancing Elephant hostel,
pounding buckets with Lianna, Yohana, Maddie and Melanie. It ended somehow with
me passing out naked in our room.
It was a
pretty big blur, but this pool party was insane; hundreds of people surrounding
the pool, over a hundred in the pool. Shit got buck wild. They tried shutting
the lights out on us at like 4, but that party lasted as long as we could take
it.
At 11 am,
there was a pounding at our door. I had absolutely no idea what was going on, was
ass naked, all probably still drunk from the night before, and kinda freaked
out. What the hell did we do last night?!?
Thank
God it was Justine, giving us our morning wake up call. The day was starting,
very very early. We walked out of the hostel, and this dude walks up to us
asking us if we knew where he could get fruit shakes. Turns out this French
Canadian guy who saved my phone and wallet from being stolen by a security
guard (Roland also had wallet issues the night before, crawling on hands and
knees outside of the pool looking inside a tree). We roped him to a day full of
shenanigans, not knowing his name all day as we wandered around the island,
hopping from beach to beach. After a good 3-4 hours of sitting on a beach and
getting into some shit with him we finally introduced. His name was GP and he
basically guided us through the next few days. All I can say is waooooowww. What
a guy. Can’t wait to tear up Montreal with this mofo when he gets back.
Jungle
Party
That
night, after more pregame buckets at the Dancing Elephant, we took a tuk tuk
ride 30 minutes up the mountain and into the jungle. This tuk tuk got wild. By
the end, everyone was shirtless, the body shots were flowing, and the Americans
started the chants….very fratty stuff. When we got to the jungle, we found
ourselves in a hardcore fluorescent rave. This was some intense stuff. And
after a few hours, and a couple more buckets, I was wayyyy to drunk for that
place. Roland was feeling the same thing (this wasn’t really our scene, but we
weren’t complaining too much) and we headed back to the hostel around 3, got
some drunken schnitzel, and passed the f out.
We knew
what we had ahead of us the next day,
Full Moon Party
Here’s what the Full Moon Party is all
about. From sundown to sunrise, there are 30,000 people on the beach in the
town of Haad Rin enjoying music, dancing, food, fire dancers and cheap alcohol
by the bucket. For one night the beach turns
into an inferno of music, people, UV paint, buckets, bars, fire dancers and
jugglers, fire jump ropes, crazy inflatable slides, and endless dancing. From
one end to the other of the beach, DJs are banging music and the night turns
into a blur of bass, red bull and UV colors.
We
had a small great crew that stuck together the whole night, through thick and
thin: Ben, GP, Roland, Justine, her 18 year old Canadian friend from her tour
Angelica, and I (major props for an 18 year old going this hard. No chance I
could have been able to survive this at 18, let alone kill it like she did).
Starting with painting ourselves at the hostel, and some more pre-gaming at
Dancing Elephant with the girls, there was legit non-stop dancing and drinking
for almost 12 hours. It was straight bananas. Shit goes down in the ocean that
is indescribable. People are passed out in piles of puke. Flipflops and shoes
litter the beach. It is an indescribable, truly fucked up scene that no blog
can put into words. People get seriously injured and burnt from the slides and
jump ropes, which thank God we stayed away from all night. Half-naked drunk
people from all over the world + fire oil that can’t be put out easily = the
most second degree burns and melted skin I have ever seen in my life. I guess
the only comeback to why people actually do this is: YOLO BETCH
All
I could say is that it was an intense, amazing night and getting a chance to
watch the sun rise over the ocean with the great crew of friends we accumulated
was unreal feeling. By 9 am we were all still going strong, but shit was
getting weirder and weirder. GP had picked up his own makings for buckets, his
shoes got stolen off the beach, Angelica and Ben were as drunk as ever, dudes
in girls bikinis were showing off way too much of there junk, the creepers were
out in full force praying on drunk chicks, and roofs were collapsing on drunk
idiots who were dancing in places not meant to hold human weight. It was time
to go home.
By
3 pm on Sunday, my heart was still racing from the massive amounts of red bull consumed
the night before; sleep was not going to happen at the hostel. We went to a really
chill restaurant that plays movies, tried to eat but nothing was going down
well, and watched Get Him To the Greek and Iron Man 3. We all basically team passed
out at the place. Feeling especially lazy, after napping at the restaurant, we
went to the Reggae bar in town to mellow out and posted up on their top floor
in hammocks, while smooth jazz Bob Marley hummed on the speakers. It was as good
as lazy hangover Sundays come.
Our time
in Koh Phagnan was just insane and intense and pretty much unbloggable. It was
the best part of our trip. Hands down.
Treat Yo
Self
To put it lightly, those red
bulls fucked us up internally. I couldn't sleep for 3 days. Meals hurt after
eating. Our bodies were rejecting everything. My throat and tongue were in
serious pain. The two of us got hard-core food poisoning in the last few days
after lasting the entire freaking trip, eating all the street food we could
handle. Basically, our bodies got KO'd with a minute to go in the 12 round
after dominating the entire fight. It was time to throw in the towel, splurge
on our budget a little after 2 months of semi-penny pinching and actually relax.
That's what our second trip to Bangkok was all about.
Sweaty.
Stinky. Covered in 2 months worth of funk. Having traveled for almost 18 hours
on 2 ferries and an overnight bus where Roland was fighting serious food
poisoning the entire time, we embarrassingly walked into the Mandarin Oriental
Hotel (thank you Mrs. Roland) basically looking like homeless dudes. One of the
nicest hotels in Bangkok didn't know what they were getting into. We checked
in, were handed a beautiful smelling flower lea and were told to wait in the
middle of the Mandarin Oriental lobby, each of us wearing tank tops and shorts.
(Mine being an especially out of place Rasheed Wallace Washington Bullets
jersey that I've worn about 4 times in the islands without washing) This
was our time to clean off, and experience the high life. Even if it was only
for 1 day, this was our time to treat ourselves:
A personal
butler, serving sweet glasses of Lemongrass juice.
Treat yo
self.
Miles
Davis, Mangosteen, and bubble baths.
Treat yo
self.
Free Thai
buffet across the river.
Treat to
self.
Imbibing
in iced green teas poolside. Lemongrass scented cold towels. Getting my
tan on after missing out in the islands. (This time with a dearth of dubstep
bass. Thank god. )
Treat yo
self.
Michelin
Star 8-course Thai feast at Nahm, rated the #3 restaurant in Asia by World’s 50
Best.
Treat yo
self.
The next
day soaking up the last bits of rays we could in our own private cabana,
watching Boogie Nights on an iPad all while sucking down passion fruits.
Treat yo
self.
By the
end of our two days, it didn't even matter that we weren't holding down any
food or liquids, still kinda felt like total crap, and spent wayyy too much
time on the toilet, we were finally clean, sober, and completely relaxed.
The
night of our 2am fight, we shopped at the Patpong Night Bazaar for our final cheap gifts for the families (a very different scene than the free for all of buckets and ping pong shows we experienced on our
first trip) and caught a flick at the Siam Paragon. They call this mall
the “Pride of Bangkok” and we brushed this off when first entering. What could an Asian mall do to impress us after weeks of embracing gigantic mega malls, our air conditioned oases from the sweltering SE Asian heat)? This mall was on some other shit. This was hands down the biggest and best one of the trip, and
that's freaking saying something.
We
started in the food court and grocery store, and holy crap was it overwhelming, especially with a food poisoning ravaged immune system.
This store was a condensed Costco on steroids, full of local Thais who were on a national Holiday. If Costco had a baby with Whole
Foods and Trader Joes, with the amount of people in the aisles of FAO Schwartz before Christmas, and if Moby had a strong influence on chosing the playlist…that was this place. There
were free samples on free samples- salamis, cheeses, prosciutto, lox, exotic
fruits, currys, and sausages. Food we hadn't seen or thought of in months. It was insane; another complete market blackout.
This is
all before the sensory overload that is Gravity. Seeing this film in IMAX 3D
was a true experience. Leaving the theater, covered in tears, wanting a
hug, my heart about to jump out of my sternum, needing to just go sit in a dark
room and lie in the fetal position, the last place I wanted to be was in the
loudest most frenetic mall ever.
Descending
8 floors down a never-ending escalator was straight out of a bad acid
trip. So much for all of that
relaxation….
So this
is it; The end of our trip. It’s still too early to dissect how this trip has
affected me, and my life, or exactly what comes next. I’ll probably post again
in a week or two after it all sinks in. Here’s all I know right now: This was
the most fun 2 months of my life, Roland and I had a fucking blast together. We
were healthy the entire way, stayed out of serious trouble and I am coming back,
under budget (even with the 10 day extension), now just another
unemployed post-grad American.
The
tagline for Gravity is ‘Don't Let Go’. This seems pretty apropos for my
feelings about Asia. Is this it for Asia and I? Will I continue to check out
all this continent has to offer, or will I get sucked into my next job? Will I
let go of Asia? Or Will Asia let go of me? I guess time will tell, but this trip has no doubt left me wanting more.
My two
Cents on: Bangkok and the Thai Islands
Bangkok: Whenever
we brought up Bangkok to fellow travelers on out trip, the advice we always received
was that we only needed to spend a couple days there. If we were to stay on
Khao San Rd the entire trip, I would completely agree. That place is
overwhelming and only a day or two is needed to experience it. Roland and I
both left the city though, wanting to experience more. We could've been there
for a week, checking out wats, floating markets, and eating our way around the
city. Yes, this is a city crying out for an improved metro infrastructure. It's
like LA in that aspect, but Bangkok's condensed city makes the insane traffic
even more overwhelming.
Yeah,
Bangkok can be seedy and grimy, but most major cities have areas like this.
This city just embraces that dark side a little more and flaunts it in your
face.
Koh Phi
Phi: This place really felt like paradise. There were no cars, and you can walk
the island in 10 minutes. It seems like there have definitely been better times
on the island, 70% of the island was destroyed during the 2004 tsunami. But
there was still a beautiful beach with crystal clear water. We didn’t get a
chance to really explore, the pool kind of sucked us in, but the world famous Maya Bay, the location of the film “The Beach” with Leo,
is on the other end of the island. Next time, I guess.
Koh
Phangan: The island itself was wayyy bigger than we thought it was going to be.
Haad Rin was definitely there to serve a purpose as a home base for the FMP,
but the beach itself was beautiful. Crystal clear warm water. White sandy
beaches with the best sand I have ever felt, the grains were so small and pure
that even showering didn’t get the sand off. We heard motorbiking the island is
a great way to see it all and experience all the outdoor activities the island
has to offer, but we were there for one thing and one thing only.
Best
thing we did: Ping Pong Show??? Naw, but real talk, everyone needs to try
to experience this Full Moon Party at least once in their life.
Thing I
wish we did:
Explored
Bangkok more. Everyone says to spend only a few days there. Khao San Road
just wipes everyone out. But there is a lot to check out in this city, we needed just a little more time.
Best
thing we ate:
This
part of Thailand was hands down, the most disappointing eating we’ve done on
the entire trip, and was also a place we were looking forward to trying.
Barring a few standout meals, everything we ate we felt could have been gotten
at an average Thai place in the states. I know we were in tourist heavy areas,
and didn’t do too much food exploring, but this part of the trip was the
biggest let down.
Bangkok:
Other
than the meal at Nahm, which I was too sick to really enjoy, we had one meal on
Rambuttri street near our hostel that was surprisingly great. We went back
twice to try the crab.
Yellow
Curry Soft Shell Crab
Winged
bean spicy salad with shrimps and calamari
Thailand
has the widely used Tinglish saying: Same Same, but different. We had no idea
what this really meant until we went to the islands. Every restaurant was
basically the same….but different. Offering weak Thai options and western
favorites. The time down there was spent eating a lot of crap food and stodge,
carb-facing, and shitty currys. These were easily the most expensive meals of
the trip and also easily the worst. Basically I just ate Toasties (amazing
white bread/croissant toasted sandwiches) from 7-11 the whole time.
